Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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