Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
