College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize