Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
