I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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