Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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