3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
40s are totally the cure
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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