Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
i think my cat just said my name.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
