Pappa wants mamma naked
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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