So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
