You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
