i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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