put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I am spending my child support on dildos
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
