i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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