sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
