i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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