i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
