I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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