It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
