Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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