he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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