I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize