my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
