pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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