Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
