I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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