your thong is hanging out like whoa
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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