If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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