Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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