The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
