Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
