So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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