he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I would fuck him just for his dog
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
