My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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