I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
