i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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