wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
farters have to be the big spoon...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
