This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
