I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
