True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
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