They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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