Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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