You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize