I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
