i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
