her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize