Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
