FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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