is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
