I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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