just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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