My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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