Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize