That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
