we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
