I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
