i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
