you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
