i don't plan on having that self control this summer
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
