my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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