So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
