WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
