I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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