how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
