you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
