I'm jealous of your bromance
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
