He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
