we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
