i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
