I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
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