hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
