i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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