id be glad to
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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