I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
