He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
