forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
