i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
