it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
